Warning: I am a little crazy.

Okay, so I just had my doctor's appointment and really, the news was good. Yet I am still emotional. I don't understand it, but I am. I'm generally better at expressing myself in writing than talking, so this is my post to just kind of vent and help myself to feel better.

First of all, I really like Dr. Hill. Most people would probably be irritated when he came into the room today and was like, "okay, post op appointment...what'd we do again?" - he then looked up his report and went over it with me. Unfortunately, he couldn't explain my pictures to me because they didn't get loaded to his PDA and I didn't take them...although Troy told me I should. You were right!

He tells me that my right ovary was fine, my left had cysts and I had endometriosis on some spots and said this very fast that I'm not sure I caught it all. It boils down to this: I do have endometriosis, and the "cure" is to not have any periods for a while. HOORAY - I'm excited about that, although you wouldn't tell since I've been emotional and crying about the visit. I'm just a basketcase. I blame PMS. Basically, he gave me two options: get pregnant or go on the pill to completely stop the periods. He told me that I *shouldn't* have any problems getting pregnant because they burned all the endometriosis, but if we are trying and not pregnant in 6 months we'll revisit the issue. He said if we don't want to have kids for a couple years, I'll be on medicine to prevent periods for two years. Again - HOORAY.

I think what is making me emotional is that I have two options. And just two options. It's so hard to explain to anyone because I should be very excited about no periods - which I totally am. It still is frustrating because I feel like a third choice was completely taken away from me: just see what happens. And I know there could be much more severe problems than this and it's petty of me to be emotional over this (thus, I am blaming PMS). I am grateful that I wasn't told "get pregnant or have a hysterectomy", which honestly is a little bit what I feared. Every blood female relative I have ended up with hysterectomies at young ages, so I do feel like I dodged a bullet there...at least in the short term. And apparently the reason for me to stop having periods is to get rid of the endometriosis.

Blah. Maybe the part that also bothers me is that we seriously have to make a choice. And I know that we want another - Lauren will be an awesome big sister - and we do still have the flexibility with that because the other option if we wait is to just go on the pill. I haven't had luck with the pill since Lauren - which is what prompted the wonderful surgery a month ago. I guess there is a different one to go on? I also need to talk to him about having that covered by insurance since it's not to prevent pregnancy, it's for a medical condition. That's the other thing: either option is costly!! Either way, he wants me to start taking the prenatals because he's this huge advocate of being on them at least a year prior to having a child. And those aren't cheap, folks - even with Massey's plan...although it's not as good as it used to be, grr. So add the cost of the pill on top of that and it'll be close to $100/month probably. I hate money. Money stresses me out.

Blah blah blah. I'm going to have a good outlook about this now that I have vented. Focus on the positives:
1) I can have more babies.
2) I can have more babies.
3) No periods is the goal.
4) I can have more babies.

It was my fear that I somehow wouldn't be able to have more children. I am glad that is still an option, whether it be now, six months from now, or two years from now. And what sane female wouldn't be excited about a year or two period free?

*Sigh* Now that I've made myself seem even crazier...I'm going to pick up my wonderful, beautiful angel and go spend the afternoon outdoors because it is truly a gorgeous day.