Okay...

It is starting to dawn on me that vacation is less than 3 weeks away....and as determined as I have been about needing this vacation, I have to admit I'm starting to get really nervous about being away from Lauren! I have talked to numerous moms who all agree on one thing: couple vacations are definitely a good thing. All the moms I have spoken with about this have left their child with grandparents for a week when they were all age ranges - from younger to Lauren to a little bit older. And all the kids still love their parents. I kind of think Troy and I will have a much harder time being away from Lauren than she will being away from us....

I am grateful that she will get to spend time with her grandparents in St. Louis and even more excited that she will get to spend time with her great-grandma, who lives in Chicago and is taking the train down to STL to see Lauren. The plans are to take Lauren to the zoo, the Children's Museum, and the parks. I know she will have a great time, and I also know she will probably ask for us like she asks me for Troy when he has to work late. I am struggling with the feeling that she will think we abandoned her, but we'll talk to her on the phone every day (multiple times!) and she'll hear our voices and know we are coming back to get her soon.

I'm very excited for Troy and I to have a relaxing vacation - we both are in need of it, but we will both miss Lauren like crazy! I agree with the moms that I've talked to - taking her would be hard on all of us (Lauren included) because she doesn't really have the ability to understand things right now...such as why she has to be confined to a plane for hours. And our experience at Macy's last night proved that she's just at the stage where she likes to run around and be loud - we'll have much quieter dinners alone. This may be our only kid-free vacation - haha! I know she will be much easier to travel with when she understands "why" a little better. Right now, she just wants to be able to play and run around.

I miss her when she goes to bed - I imagine that the days will be okay, but the nights will be really hard on us...we'll miss our goodnight kisses from the little bean. I know I can do it - I spent two nights away from her last August to go to Greenbrier with Troy. And I know she'll be okay - she was fine back then, and all of the other kids who've hung out with their grandparents while their parents went on vacation have been fine. No permanent damage.

Of course, this could all be worrying for nothing since our destination is Cancun. Hopefully everything will work out and the wedding we are attending won't be cancelled, but it very well could be and we could be spending our vacation in an entirely different way. My manager and I talked about this today - she has left one of her sons with his grandparents for a week each summer since he was born - which is just two, but still. She said the first time is definitely the hardest, but when you hear about how much fun they had, it makes it better. And she actually had to leave her son with her best friend who he only sees a handful of times a year, and said he still did great. I'm sure Lauren will have a couple playdates out there, which I think will be good for her.

I just kept thinking that vacation was soooo far off and of course I was going to be fine, but now that it's getting closer, I'm getting more nervous! I'm sure it's all a normal part of motherhood....and BTW, can't believe it's May. I mean really. May. I feel like Lauren was just born - AWWW today she is 18 months. Happy 18 month birthday my little angel!