What Makes YOU Feel Grown Up?

I haven't had much time to work on this blog lately, oops!

I still feel like I'm 18 sometimes. In fact, when people ask me how old I am, I seriously have to think about it. Often times I have to actually do the math: "2009 - 1981 = . . . 28. . . which means I'm 27?" If Troy's with me, I just ask him. I don't just freeze my age, I also do it with all my cousins. My youngest cousin just attended her junior prom, but in my head she's 10. My twin boy cousins just completed their first year at Indiana University, and I'm still surprised they can drive.

Little things every now and then make me feel grown up. When Troy and I got our townhouse, I felt really grown up to have a mortgage payment. I felt grown up having a student loan for my master's degree. Geez - I have a KID?? That one really gets me sometimes, still. Love her more than anything in the world and can't imagine life without her, but I still have my "wow" moments where it hits me that she's really MINE. Well, ours, but you know what I mean. They let me take this child home! Side note: Based on recent stories in the news, I do NOT believe that a 9-month pregnancy entitles you to being a qualified mother. She makes me feel grown up, but at the same time makes me feel like a kid again. I LOVED coloring, and now she's getting into that, so I get to do it all over again. And watching her experience new things makes me feel like a kid. Tonight, she was soo happy to see our neighbor's puppies. Then she got excited today at Capitol Market just smelling the flowers and looking at the food.

The thing today that made me feel grown up (got sidetracked there for a minute!) was working on what little landscaping we have. A few summers ago, I tried to plant flowers and make it look nice. I was shocked that these flowers kept coming back, despite my neglect. So, tonight we really worked on the landscaping. We tore out one bush that was just ugly, and picked weeds and dug up the other flowers. We planted a really pretty flowery plant - that is it's real name, I'm sure - and then re-did the mulch. We only got one side done, and tomorrow we're going to get more flowers to plant. I also got some flowers to plant in pots and put them on the concrete wall by our garage. Making the house look better made me feel grown up.

Am I the only one who has these moments, or are others also frozen in time?

BIENVENIDO A MEXICO!

These didn't upload in the order I wanted, but oh well...this is a picture of the resort we stayed in. Moon Palace - Cancun, Mexico. We had a fun time, but by Friday I was ready to get home to Lauren. A week away was incredibly too long! I cried when I saw her at the airport...but I digress...I picked a few pictures to post about.

Troy and I are waiting on the hotel transportation to come and take us to the "hotel zone" so we can check out Cancun. We had a really fun time. I decided to try and look cute rather than be comfortable, though, so we ended up purchasing some flip flops at a store in order to continue walking to another mall. :) It was kind of fun to see peso bills. I was a total tourist when it happened, but oh well. I kind of stand out as a tourist anyway. No worries. We ate at a place called Chocolate City - it had good food, but there were NO people. Why? Because everyone is terrified of Mexico and the swine flu. It was nice to have the resort essentially to ourselves, but I hate that the people down there are suffering as a result of the panic over what is nothing. We went to two malls, got Lauren some clothes - after Troy bargained with a woman, which I would never do, but he saved $3 so whatever. They had a Dora shirt that said "Vamanos, let's go!" but they didn't have her size. We got her some cute stuff anyway. I admired some Coach bags, but figured there were pretty expensive...or seemed that way in pesos!

Troy and I got burnt the first day on the beach - I covered my burn with makeup in this pic, so he looks worse than me but it was about the same...despite our base tans and application of lotion. Well, it was SPF 15. The 30 spray worked much better and we were fine the rest of the trip. This picture is taken on our balcony. I must admit, it's not bad waking up, looking at the window and only seeing the ocean. I could get used to that, so long as my little peanut was along! We were dressed up to eat at Bambu this night, which was an Oriental restaurant. It was one of the better places to eat...but that doesn't say much because all the food was bad. Except Los Tacos, which I would still eat everyday. We had a few good things, and I liked my sweet 'n sour chicken at Bambu as well as my dinner at El Caribe - Troy enjoyed his dinner at the Brazilian restaurant. The food was hit and miss - but more miss. There were some things that we enjoyed, but overall the food was the "most disappointing" (to quote Troy on his survey turned into the resort) aspect of our vacation. :)

An awesome picture of the sunrise. We naturally woke up early and took a walk on the beach on Tuesday. It was really nice - the beach was beautiful, and the water was pretty too but there was a lot of seaweed. We only got in the ocean once, as the pool was EMPTY and gorgeous as well. The grounds of the resort were really pretty - lots of beautiful flowers and plants. There were lots of critters, too. We saw lizards - many, many awesome looking lizards - and some kind of night critter...maybe a possum? Not sure, just saw the eyes. We also saw signs for crocodiles, but never got to see them. In fact, at one of the pools we hung out at, there was a guy that told one of the girls in our group that we needed to stay away from the wall of the pool (it was an infinity pool with the "forest" behind it) because crocodiles could jump 12 feet. Not because of his warning, but later on we moved and the poor man finally rested.

We brought rain to the resort, and I like this picture of Troy carrying me piggy-back. I wore jeans and sandals, and was soaking wet. It was difficult to walk because my jeans were weighing me down, so he picked me up to speed things along!

All in all, we had a great vacation. We missed Lauren terribly, and I'm pretty sure we won't leave her for that long ever again. She missed us, and about panicked when we were packing up the car to leave St. Louis today because she thought we were leaving her! She talked to us every day on the phone, and it is awesome being back with her. She's a sweetheart, and we love her dearly. Hard to believe that after counting down for months over our Mexican vacation that it is actually over! Fortunately, we have lots of pictures and great memories to entertain us while we head back to work tomorrow!

The Awesomeness of Troy

I'm not sure what sparked this horrible, awful gut feeling of mine regarding Lauren and my parents traveling from Louisville to St. Louis on Sunday, but I've had it for a few weeks. I have been trying to overcome it, but it persists. I'm pretty sure it may have been the storyline on Grey's Anatomy last night that pushed me over, or maybe it's my line of work, but I had horrible awful images in my head and literally felt sick to my stomach over Sunday.

Because of that, this morning I asked Troy if instead of meeting my parents in Louisville tomorrow, we could just go all the way to St. Louis to drop her off, then drive back to Louisville on Sunday to catch our flight Monday morning. Being the wonderful, awesome, understanding, loving husband that he is - he agreed. All because of this gut feeling I have. And let me tell you, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm not longer in a near panic.

He has been insanely patient with me these last few weeks as I get more and more nervous about our impending trip. We've made a great team - he reassures me that Lauren will be fine when I need it, and I do the same for him. He just rocks. I love him and am happy that he puts up with my little bit of crazy about stuff like this, and I know he doesn't fully understand this "feeling," but I am glad that he is humoring me and adding many extra miles in order to make me feel more comfortable about our vacation.

Since I'm bragging on him, I want to brag about what an awesome daddy he is. Lauren adores him. ADORES him. She wants to see him first thing in the morning, and their interactions are the best. He dances "getting strong" with her, reads to her, changes poopy diapers, and has conversations with her. She likes to cuddle up with him at night, and if he leaves for work, she usually spends a few minutes while we're getting in the car asking about him. Last night, Troy was on the 6:00 evenings news, so Lauren and I watched. Then she was going "daddy, daddy" and would sign more, so we watched this 30-second clip for probably 10 minutes over and over again.

I <3>

And in 2 hours, I am OFFICIALLY on vacation!

Mexico and Mixed Feelings

Our awesome week-long Mexican fiesta begins soon, and I am having mixed feelings!

Don't get me wrong - I am totally excited to be spending a week on the beach with my husband. I'm having mixed feelings about not seeing Lauren for a week, though! I know she'll be fine, I'm really worried about how I am going to do without her. I've been focusing on the positives, but now that it's literally days away I am getting more nervous about being away from her for so long. The positives are that Troy and I will have some quality time together without being parents, which I think all parents need. We'll get to go out to dinner and be able to eat and talk to each other. We'll get to hang out with friends, spend all day on the beach or go on the jungle zip-line and not be preoccupied with keeping Lauren on her schedule. But, we love her more than anything in the world, and being away from her will be hard. I'm pretty sure I will cry all day Sunday when she leaves for St. Louis. I've been told by other mommies that I can't cry in front of her, otherwise it'll upset her. So I have to pretend to be excited that she is going away. I know she'll have fun - she'll get to chase a puppy for a week straight. She'll be totally spoiled and probably will come back with more toys and clothes than she needs. But there is still that part of me that is really nervous about us being apart.

The other mixed feeling I am having is that the company I worked for has revoked their policy of a mandatory week off work if you travel to Mexico in order to prevent the Swine Flu from spreading. I can use the money, and the only reason I was worried about having that week off was that I would have two small paychecks and that would be rough. BUT, the awesome part was that I'd have to stay home with Lauren. After being away from her for a week, I was really going to enjoy that! Now, I have to return to work. It'll probably be good to get Lauren back into her routine, and it's only 4 days instead of 5. I will have a hard time that first day back though! After not spending much time with her, it's all we're going to want to do when we hit the ground in Louisville.

For the last six months I've been counting down until our trip. I think once Lauren and I are separated, I'll be counting down until I see her again! I will enjoy the vacation and try not to spend my time worrying about her and wondering if she misses us. I think having a week to relax, catch up on sleep, and spend quality time with my husband will make me an even better mom because I'll be refreshed!

When I return from vacation, I'm sure I will have a LOT to write about - on this blog and on Lauren's! And tons of pictures to post - it will be very exciting!

My June Resolutions

I didn't keep my New Year's Resolutions at all, and I've been thinking lately about some things that I'd like to do. Therefore, I am making my June Resolutions list. I would start immediately, but I have to mentally prepare myself and also I have my vacation in a week - don't want to start doing anything different before a vacation! Tomorrow I am attending the Get Motivated! conference in Charleston, and this has also prompted me to think about some changes I'd like to make...and then I will Get Motivated! to accomplish them. I think I will get more out of the conference if I have some goals in mind.

1. Positive Thinking
Definitely not one of my better qualities, but I tend to worry way too much. A co-worker gave me an excellent piece of advice when I was talking to her the other day about my paranoia of Lauren traveling from Louisville to St. Louis. She told me to stop speaking negatively about it, and when it worried me, to just pray about it. I have been doing this ever since she gave me this advice, and I feel much more at peace. I still worry about Lauren, but no longer do I feel this overwhelming sense of fear because rather than speaking about negative things that *could* happen, I am focused on her getting there safely and having a great time with her grandparents; this likewise will help me to relax and enjoy my vacation. I think that this little exercise has been good for me, and now when I start to have a negative thought or worry, I do my best to turn it into a positive and to pray about it.

2. Be healthier
I am redefining this. In my New Year's Resolution, I resolved to eat healthier and exercise. Well, neither has consistently happened. I tend to try things in the extreme - rather than introducing healthier habits, I tried to just cut out all the food I thought was *bad* for me and to exercise every day. Obviously, I burnt out on this very quickly and it was hard to get back on track. Therefore, I want to just be healthier in general. I do have a few pounds I'd like to shed, but rather than focus on that, I'm going to focus on making better food choices and to exercise a few times a week. I don't need to Wii Fit every day. I am going to aim to use it 3 times a week, and to do little things daily that will help me. For example, I will start parking further away from the door at work so that I get extra steps in. Every little bit makes a difference, and in the articles I've received at work, that was one piece of advice for people who claimed not to have the time to exercise. Also, I'm going to try to eat healthier by making better decisions. I'm not going to deprive myself of sweets because I enjoy them. I've already done well by cutting out soda - for the most part. I think I will feel better about myself if I make wiser choices rather than trying to be extreme and then feeling bad when I fall off the wagon.

3. Time Management
I don't feel like my time management is awful, but it could be better. Ideally, I would love to go to bed at 10pm and get up at like, 5:30am. I require more sleep than this, but if I can just start doing it I might get used to it! The entire time that Lauren is up and I'm home with her, my attention is devoted to her. Every once in a while I can get some housework done while she's up, with either her helping me or doing it when Troy is home and he is watching her. I have a hard time taking time just for myself though. When she goes to bed, I like to spend time with Troy since it's much less hectic than while Lauren is up. If I could get up earlier, I could do my workout a few times a week and get some housework done other times. Or maybe I could just get up and watch the news, and catch up on all my issues of Foreign Affairs that are piling up because I don't have the time to look through them. One of the seminars tomorrow is on time management, and I hope to learn a lot from this!

4. Writing / Reading
I know that to aspire to do this daily is not a realistic goal, but I would like to devote some time to just writing freely and reading some of the "nerdy" things that interest me. This goes along with time management. If I can get up early and make better use of my time, I will be able to fit this in.

5. Finances
Blah. I hate money. No, I really don't - I love money, but it stresses me out. I am going to get a grip on my finances. I am going to stop carrying my credit card altogether, and if I want to purchase something, I will only allow myself to do so if I have the money in my checking account. Also, my goal is to pay off my credit card in its entirety by the end of the summer. Honestly, this is totally do-able. My balance isn't so high that I'm setting an unrealistic goal. I just need to stop using it and start paying it off. Sounds simple, yet it is something that I struggle with! And as it goes with my pledge to "be healthier", I have learned from experience that it doesn't work for me to just completely cut myself off. What happens is I will do good for a long time not buying anything, and then I go on a binge. I think if I don't deprive myself - and by myself, I mean just random little things for me or Lauren - but stick to only getting something if I have the money in my account, I will do better at this. Plus, another bonus could be that if I am able to get my card paid off and keep a balance off of it, then I can start putting more money towards my student loan and also figure out what I would be able to afford if I get a new car! I may be reviewing my Suze Orman book "Women and Money"!

I think this about sums up what I hope to accomplish the rest of the year, and I hope for these to become permanent lifestyle changes. I need to hold myself accountable, but not have standards so high that I set myself up for failure, and then feel bad about failing. Additionally, I want to continue doing the things I feel are good - such as being a great mom to Lauren, teaching her new things, spending quality time with her; continuing to have a healthy attitude towards work and to enjoy my job, especially in these horrible economic times; to remain a loyal friend and to keep in touch with my friends that aren't here.

If I ever get off of my path, I will return back to this list. And here is the main reason for me to achieve success with my five resolutions / lifestyle goals:

TO SET A GREAT EXAMPLE FOR LAUREN. I want her to look up to me and to be proud of me. I want her to grow up to be a strong, independent, intelligent and responsible woman. I don't want her to have the same struggles I have with body image, finances, or falling behind on my goals. I want her to be a better person than I am today, and to do that, I need to become a better person than I am today. So, for Lauren, I will accomplish my goals.

Ramblings

I haven't had much time to just randomly write lately, so I have a few things that have come to mind recently I wanted to write about.

Weddings
In the next two weeks, I will be attending two of the three weddings the Andes Family was invited to. The first is this weekend in Indianapolis for my friend Kelsi - who sadly I have not seen since my wedding! The second is on May 23 in Cancun. With all the excitement of the upcoming weddings, I've been thinking back to my own back on June 3, 2006.

It was awesome. That is no understatement. Troy and I had a ridiculously awesome wedding and reception. As the ceremony began, my bridal party and I were in this room off of the church. We all lined up, and the party left the room. Which left me standing in there, all alone. I heard the song they walked down the aisle to, and tears just started rolling - happy, nervous tears! I remember my dad coming in and seeing me like that and asked if I was okay, and I said yes, grabbed his arm, and we walked - er, ran - down the aisle. I really really despise being the center of attention and it freaks me out when large groups watch me. So I tried to get from point A to point B as fast as I could! I walked down the aisle to "You Raise Me Up" played on a piano and Troy and I stood there just looking at each other while they finished the song. I was ready to get married! We had a great ceremony, then it was over and we did pictures.

After our pictures at the church, we climbed into the limo with our bridal party, popped the bottle of champange, and drove downtown to get our pictures taken at the Arch. We have some amazing pictures from this - my favorite is the one where we are all in a line walking and you see the arch in the background. Another favorite is the picture that I have at the very end of our wedding album, Troy and I walking down this path lined with trees holding hands.

Our reception ROCKED. The open bar probably helped, but it was the most fun ever. I sometimes wish we could go back to the night and relive it. We had our cocktail hour upstairs and cut the cake and visited with friends. Troy tried to kill me for the first time while we were feeding each other cake! We then went downstairs into the room for the reception - oh, we had our reception at the Millenium Hotel, which overlooked the arch. Our actual dinner and reception were downstairs, but we had a clear view of the arch while we had our cocktails. The dinner was great, Troy and I walked to all the tables and spoke with nearly all of our guests....then the music started!!

I remember dancing with my dad to "Butterfly Kisses" and we just talked and laughed the whole time. Troy and I danced to "Inside Your Heaven," and I sang like all the lyrics while we danced. When everyone hit the dance floor, we just had an awesome time. At one point, they played "Country Roads" and our entire WV crew hit the dance floor. And it was just the WV crew. We stood there, kind of in a line, and all had our arms around one another and sand "Country Roads...take me home...to the place...I belong...WEST VIRGINIA...mountain momma...take me home...country roads..." I really wish I had a picture of that, but the photographer had left. It is one of my favorite memories. Another favorite memory is Troy and I dancing to "Mud on the Tires" by Brad Paisley. This song held special importance to me because after hearing these lyrics I decided to move to West Virginia to be with Troy. Corny, I know, but it's true:
Sometimes the best things in life are found far from any paved road, and the only way to get there is to get a little mud on the tires.

We had a great time!! I think we stayed until the very near end, a lot of our guests left before we did!

The Mommy I Want to Be
I told Troy this morning that I hope I am the type of mom that Lauren's friends will always talk to. I want to have a great relationship with her, and also with her friends. This hit me this morning as I dropped her off and had a fun conversation with a little boy at the daycare, who is the older brother to her daycare "boyfriend". Here is the conversation:
P: "Hey, do you remember when Lauren went to Will's party?"
Me: "Yeah, I do!"
P: Smiles and looks down.
Me: "You sat by her, didn't you? You guys ate cake together."
P: Smiles and scoots back on his toy.
So I squat down with Lauren, holding her and getting her warmed up like our normal days. Her "boyfriend" comes over and we are just standing there, and P comes back.
P: "My brother is starting to say a LOT of new words!"
Me: "Really? That is awesome."
I look at her friend and he smiles.
P: "Lauren doesn't say much."
Me: "No, Lauren is still learning how to say her words. And she is kind of tired in the mornings. She has to warm up to everyone. But she is saying a lot of words now, too."
P: "Yeah" and then rolls away.
It was just so cute that he came over to interact with me, and he knows that Lauren and his brother are good friends. He always says hi to me and Lauren will wave at him and his brother. After I left, I was sitting in my car just thinking that I want to continue to be that kind of mom - the one that talks with the kids and gives them attention, because I want my daughter and her friends to feel comfortable talking to me when they are older as well. Lauren will get jealous sometimes when the kids come over to give me a hug, and I make it better by asking if she wants to give them a hug, which she loves doing. I am so blessed to have her in a daycare I trust and where she is surrounded by her friends - I feel that if I can't be with her all day, every day, this place is truly the next best thing.

When I picked her up yesterday, she got this huge smile on her face and ran over to me. She was in the 2-year old room, sitting at the table reading a book. The teachers in that room both just told me how much they enjoy when Lauren is in there. One of the girls, who is currently in college, told me, "She is the prettiest little girl I've ever seen. I'm not just saying that, seriously, she is beautiful!" and the other teacher told me that she's said she hopes to have a girl that looks just like Lauren. But she's not only pretty, she's so sweet with everyone. They said she's getting assertive and will tell kids "no" when they try to take her toys, but she will snuggle up with the teachers and they all just love it. I am so proud of her for thriving in that environment. And for reading her book instead of watching the dinosaur movie. :-)

Cancun
Getting very excited about our trip!! I'm going to miss Lauren like crazy, and I know I'm going to cry on Sunday when we are separated. I've already started warning and threatening my mom to take great care of her. I know she'll be okay, but it makes me nervous being away from her for so long. But, Troy and I are looking forward to some downtime. We got an email from the excited couple yesterday and it looks like we'll have a couple of dinners with them while we're down there. I'm excited to start figuring out what I'm going to wear for the dinners...and just to lie on the beach in general. It seems more real now since we got that email, and also that Lauren and I will head out in 10 days! Crazy!

My Lists

I used to be a very organized person. I always made lists to just double check that I had everything I needed, and this was a system that worked well for me!

Then I got pregnant, and became more flighty which in turn causes me to be slightly less organized than I like to be. I still make lists, which is something that Troy makes fun of me about. We were talking today about our trip coming up, and I told him that I needed to start making a list of what was needed. He told me that we should make a list of the lists we need. HAHA - but seriously, I may need that.

I routinely forget things. For the longest time, it was my car keys. This wouldn't be an issue, except now it's not just me running up the stairs to find them (because I have a flight of stairs to go down to get to my car), but it's me carrying Lauren. So, in order to solve that problem, I leave my keys in the same place EVERY SINGLE DAY. And it helps. But I still will walk out the door without a diaper bag, without puppy, without my sunglasses or without something else that is the reason for my trip in the first place. Fortunately, I have not forgotten Lauren!

Our trip isn't just the normal weekend trip - although I still make lists for these!! But I have to pack for myself (and probably Troy) for an entire week, and separately for Lauren for a week. Additionally, we'll need a separate "piece" for the overnight in Louisville before we head to Mexico - well, two nights. There are very important things I don't want to forget..for me and for Lauren! It would be my luck to forget to pack puppy...or her baby...or my bathing suit. I mean, really. My lists make me feel more prepared.

Since this vacation is creeping up on me, I could also make a list of things to do before we leave. Things like, tanning (so we don't burn on the beach), making arrangements for mail, and of course, making my lists for packing.

Without question, something will be forgotten. Troy will HAVE to be in charge of passports and other necessary documentation because if it is in my possession, I will misplace it. I can lose a piece of paper like no one! I'd like to continue to blame pregnancy brain - which is a real thing and which doesn't go away with the birth of a child - but in fact, I was this way before. It's just gotten a lot worse, as now I'm forgetting and misplacing things not only for me but for someone else!

My lists - which I'll probably start this week - will help me to ensure I do not leave puppy, baby or my bathig suit behind.

Mandatory Vacation

I found out yesterday that if Troy and I go to Mexico, I will have an extra week of vacation!

Due to the recent events, the company I work for is taking all precautions to avoid employees getting the swine flu. My manager called me in to tell me that there was going to be a period after I returned before I could go back to work. She tried to get the time period shortened, but they were insistent that I (and any other employees traveling to Mexico) am not to return to work for 7 days after I get back from Mexico. Of course this is unpaid - I could use personal time, but since I'm part-time and don't have benefits, I have no personal time.

So, unless something changes and they retract that I'm going to get to be a SAHM for a week! I've already told the daycare Lauren may not be there for two weeks. If I am home with her, I'm going to take her to story time at the library and we'll go to the park...maybe the pool if it's open. I will take advantage of that time! It'll be good in a way because it'll be hard to not see her for a week and then go straight back into our routine with daycare. It'll be fun to have some extra time with her.

Right now, the plan is still to go to Mexico. It sounds like the wedding will go as planned unless something drastically changes! We leave in two weeks to begin the vacation! Lauren and I are heading to Louisville two weeks from today - and then Troy will join us after his work commitment. My parents are meeting us there and will hang out and then take Lauren back to St. Louis and Troy and I will fly out on May 18!