Angry Fighting Bananas

Totally random, but that's kind of what this blog is...

First off, if the Big Brother house evicts Casey I may stop watching. Seriously. Every season that show irritates me because the players are stupid and don't do what I want them to do, yet I continue to watch. This season, I truly can't help it. It's like looking at a bad car accident. It's awful, but you are curious.

Okay. Now that's off my chest.

I was thinking on the way to work today about what I'd do if I didn't have to worry about money. I know that Troy and I would both be doing very different things career/job-wise from what we are doing now. Don't get me wrong - I am fortunate to have the job that I do. If we hit the lottery (and I'm not being greedy - a couple hundred thousand would be fine!), I know for a fact that I would want to stay at home. Not permanently, but until Lauren goes to school. I'd then want to get my teaching certificate/degree, that way when Lauren went to school, I could teach and be on her same schedule. When Lauren is older, I'd love to pursue an actual career - I've always wanted to do research and would love to work for some type of foreign policy think-tank (i.e. Brookings Institute). If possible, I'd also really enjoy getting my PhD in either history or political science/international relations. I'm a total nerd, I know. On a side note, I'm very excited about adding the Foreign Affairs blog to my blog roll so that I get daily updates. Did you know that in Shanghai, they are going to relax the "one-child" rule? I did not know this because I watch Blue's Clues, so it was great.

I think that sometimes I probably come off as "unmotivated" but that's not the case. I just have a different set of priorities. My number one priority is being a mom. I want to be able to participate in activities with Lauren, I want to be able to be home with her in the summers or when she gets home from school. I want to go to every event she's ever a part of. Some careers don't allow that flexibility.

I'm still attempting to pursue my dream of writing a novel. It's hard for me to carve out the time to do so, but if I get off work at 2 I try to go home and write for an hour before I get Lauren, as that seems to be the only time I can focus on it. Given that, I haven't gotten very far. And the past week I have worked until 3:30 or 4, so I just get Lauren right away instead of writing. I'm hoping to reach that goal.

The rewards of being a mother are more than I could ever have imagined. When Lauren holds out her arms and says "hug", I melt. She tells me she loves me and gives me kisses, wants me to play with her but also has grown to be independent and able to entertain herself. The past few nights I've been lying on her floor to tell stories. She starts out in bed, then comes and wants to lie down just like me - so we are there on the floor, both of us on our bellies and supporting ourselves on our elbows, and we talk. THAT is my motivation in life.